Sometimes people can “get stuck” in the divorce process.  This can occur when one or both parties take a stand and become as seemingly immovable as a mountain.  When people take positions, they often fail to see solutions to the problems.  Focusing only on one possibility can lead to an impasse. Communication may break down, harsh words may be exchanged, and the parties may become frustrated and drift even further apart.  An experienced mediator guides folks to understand the Zen Buddhist idea captured by Donovan in the song, “There is a Mountain.”

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

From my own experience climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro last summer, I attest to the truth of this statement.  Walking for days on the African plains, creeping toward the great monadnock affectionately nicknamed “Kili”, I understood.  Mount Kilimanjaro was big, really large, even enormous.  I was not, however, paralyzed with fear; I proceeded and yielded to the task.  As I climbed the looming mountain, with each small step, it disappeared beneath my feet. Finally, when I reached the summit, I was as light as the air.

The practice of teaching clients to see beyond the mountain, to explore alternatives to the principles they cling too, to get past the positions they are stuck on, is artful mediation.  When the mediator is mindful of potential situational deadlock, tactics may be used to avoid a destructive phase where communication deteriorates and progress is halted.  An experienced divorce mediator shares professional and personal insight with clients, permitting change and creating an atmosphere where solutions are made.  At times this may be subtle, but may also be more of a metamorphosis, where understanding and collaboration promote change.

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

The song continues, “The caterpillar sheds his skin to find a butterfly within.”  Mindful mediation can help people give up the old ways and find a new, fresh, perhaps even better life.  An experienced, professional mediator can help.

If you wish to learn how you can keep control of your divorce, call our divorce mediation case manager, Yvonne, she’ll get you started in your new life.

Call us at 508 795 0200.