First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

May 2, 2012 By

Sometimes people can “get stuck” in the divorce process.  This can occur when one or both parties take a stand and become as seemingly immovable as a mountain.  When people take positions, they often fail to see solutions to the problems.  Focusing only on one possibility can lead to an impasse. Communication may break down, harsh words may be exchanged, and the parties may become frustrated and drift even further apart.  An experienced mediator guides folks to understand the Zen Buddhist idea captured by Donovan in the song, “There is a Mountain.”

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

From my own experience climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro last summer, I attest to the truth of this statement.  Walking for days on the African plains, creeping toward the great monadnock affectionately nicknamed “Kili”, I understood.  Mount Kilimanjaro was big, really large, even enormous.  I was not, however, paralyzed with fear; I proceeded and yielded to the task.  As I climbed the looming mountain, with each small step, it disappeared beneath my feet. Finally, when I reached the summit, I was as light as the air.

The practice of teaching clients to see beyond the mountain, to explore alternatives to the principles they cling too, to get past the positions they are stuck on, is artful mediation.  When the mediator is mindful of potential situational deadlock, tactics may be used to avoid a destructive phase where communication deteriorates and progress is halted.  An experienced divorce mediator shares professional and personal insight with clients, permitting change and creating an atmosphere where solutions are made.  At times this may be subtle, but may also be more of a metamorphosis, where understanding and collaboration promote change.

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

The song continues, “The caterpillar sheds his skin to find a butterfly within.”  Mindful mediation can help people give up the old ways and find a new, fresh, perhaps even better life.  An experienced, professional mediator can help.

If you wish to learn how you can keep control of your divorce, call our divorce mediation case manager, Yvonne, she’ll get you started in your new life.

Call us at 508 795 0200.

 

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Mediators, Worcester divorce mediation Tagged With: ,

IMPLEMENTATION OF THE MASSACHUSETTS UNIFORM PROBATE CODE (“MUPC”)

April 10, 2012 By

The Implementation of the MASSACHUSETTS UNIFORM PROBATE CODE (“MUPC”) is effective as of March 31, 2012 in the Worcester County Probate Court.   If you recently lost a family member or loved one and need to probate the estate, please use the new format.  New forms for the probate of estates are available on Mass.gov and on the new Worcester County Probate Court Web site.  If you have questions or need assistance feel free to contact us at 508.795.0200.  You can do this, we can help.

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation

Divorce Mediation Avoids Costly Litigation

February 27, 2012 By

Parker Mediation is dedicated to serving our clients with the best experience through troubled times. Our experienced divorce mediators help parties move away from positional bargaining and towards ideas that serve the interests of our clients. Cooperative explorations help people avoid impasses and obtain individualized and unique solutions.  Our mediators defuse difficult situations that may have occurred when prior tactics failed.

How mediators help people is part skill, part art and part intuition.  We understand that divorce can bring about negative feelings, poor behaviors and even irrational thinking. Our divorce mediators are specially trained to help you through aggressive adversarial tactics, insulting offers and bad faith proposals. We do this by exploring the realities and consequences of many different choices. Fear often drives people to act in unflattering ways. By taking control of your divorce, fear is reduced, rational thinking prevails and good decisions are made.

To learn more about divorce mediation and to schedule time with one of our mediators, call Yvonne at 508.795.0200. She’ll answer any additional questions and explain how to get started.

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Divorce, Worcester divorce lawyer, Worcester MA Mediator

Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2012 By

Valentine’s Day may be bitter sweet if you are struggling in a broken marriage.  Do not despair, you can take charge of your future. Have a heart to heart talk with your spouse. Change may be difficult, but sometimes change is for the best. At Parker Mediation we help couples get through divorce with the least amount of pain possible. Next year will be better, you’ll see.  Call 508.795.0200. Happy Valentine's Day!

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Divorce, Worcester divorce mediation

Year of the Dragon!

January 30, 2012 By

New Year’s Resolutions!

Don’t worry if you already failed to follow through on your New Year Resolutions, you can start fresh with the Year of the Red Dragon. That means good luck for you! Each New Year brings an opportunity to reflect on the past and to design the future. Resolve to make 2012 a great year. Take the steps to make the changes you need in your life. While we often resist change, go ahead, it will be ok.

Top Ten Resolutions:

#10   Get Organized!

Clean your desk, organize your papers, and collect your year-end  documents so they will be ready for tax season. If you plan to divorce this year, these documents will assist you to analyze  your financial situation. Also, you’ll  be prepared to make full financial disclosure as part of the mediation process. You, your spouse and your divorce mediator will utilize the information to create a sustainable plan for the future.

#9 Volunteer!

Help others in need; it will make you realize that things aren’t so bad after all. Going through a divorce can be difficult. You may feel depressed and isolated. By volunteering, you will meet new people and feel good about yourself.

#8 Try Something New!

When was the last time you tried something for the first time? Learning something new helps stimulate the brain and keeps you young. If you are going through a divorce, your life is going to be different. Why not take the opportunity to do something you always wanted to try.

#7 Get Rid of Debt!

Live well, but within your means. Cut back on spending now to realize savings in the future. Divorce is usually a challenge financially. You can save a load of money using divorce mediation. The cost for divorce mediation is typically many thousands of dollars less than traditional litigation.

#6 Stop Smoking!

Really, just stop! If you need help, get it. There are lots of techniques to quit smoking. Herbs such as Lobelia and Oat Straw are just one of the many supportive therapies available to stop smoking. Need a reward? Just think how much money you will save.

#5 Get Fit!

Sounds easy, but it’s not. Getting fit and staying fit takes time. Start with a walk, then increase the time and distance. Change your routine, experiment and find things you like to do. Make a fitness date with a friend. Getting motivated and following through is easier when you do it together. Have fun and don’t get discouraged.

#4 Eat Healthy!

Eat your fruit and vegetables. Listen to your mother!

#3 Lose Weight

The stress of divorce can lead to unwanted pounds. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself eating cookies and ice cream. Let’s face it, you will feel better if you eat properly and exercise.  Dropping a few pounds will not only make you feel better, you’ll look better. This could come in real handy post-divorce.

#2 Spend Time with Friends!

If you are used to being a couple, it may feel awkward getting out with friends. Just do it! How else are you going to meet new people? Socializing will help you get a glimpse of the future while navigating through the transition period.

#1 Joie de vivre!

Ok, so things didn’t turn out the way you expected. Life isn’t predictable, but it is worth living and you know how to give your best. Go ahead, enjoy yourself! You deserve to be happy.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Worcester divorce lawyer, Worcester divorce mediation, Worcester MA Mediator

Alimony Reform Act of 2011

December 26, 2011 By

How is Alimony determined in Massachusetts?

The Alimony Reform Act of 2011, Massachusetts General Laws  §§48-55, provides new guidelines for alimony in Massachusetts.  The new alimony law goes in to effect March  1, 2012.  The Act provides guidelines for  alimony amount and duration.  The new law will promote consistency in alimony orders and flexibility in the types of alimony ordered, while reserving judicial discretion for special circumstances.

Under the Alimony Reform Act of 2011, there are several types of alimony: General Alimony, Rehabilitative Alimony, Reimbursement Alimony and Transitional Alimony.  The new alimony guidelines create a structure for determinations of alimony. The various types of alimony provide for increased flexibility in making alimony orders, while specific guidelines promote consistency in alimony orders.  And because there are always special circumstances the New Alimony Act preserves judicial discretion in creating fair and equitable alimony orders.

Contact an experienced divorce attorney mediator to learn how the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 may affect you.  If you are contemplating divorce, if you are currently receiving alimony, if you are paying alimony, or if you are a stay-at-home parent, you need to understand the impact of the new alimony laws.  Contact us at 508 795 0200 to learn more.

 

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation

Joint Petition for Modification of Judgment

December 16, 2011 By

Joint Petition for Modification

A Joint Petition and Affidavit for Modification of Judgment soon will be available for use in The Probate & Family Court. This will be a welcome tool for folks utilizing mediation services.  Parties will be able to mediate modification agreements and then file them with the court using a Joint Petition.   The proposed Rule 412 will facilitate uncontested actions to modify judgments.  The filing may be approved by the Court administratively.  That means you won’t have to go to court, unless the court determines that a hearing is necessary or helpful for disposition of the petition.

The Massachusetts Probate & Family Court is planning  to permit folks to file a Joint Petition for Modification of Judgment. Parties that wish to file a joint petition will file a signed and notarized agreement, accompanied with an affidavit.  In matters involving changes to financial terms, the parties will also file financial statements and/or child support guidelines worksheets.   This new process will save time, money and relieve the long lines in the Probate & Family Court.   Unless the court schedules a hearing, you will have your decision in fourteen days.

This is a welcome tool to assist families that want to make changes to their divorce agreements. Filing a Joint Petition for Modification of Judgment will be less costly than going through a traditional process of filing a Complaint for Modification.   Using mediation to discuss proposed changes to parenting plans, Alimony and child support, will keep open lines of communication.  You stay in control of the process and avoid litigation.  The divorce mediators at Parker Mediation will facilitate the process to modify your judgment.  We keep it simple and confidential; call us today at 508 795 0200 to take the next steps.

Filed Under: Alimony, Alimony in Massachusetts, Child Support, Complaint for Modification, Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Probate and Family Court

Parker Mediation Gifts for Teens

December 8, 2011 By

Parker Mediation is accepting gifts suitable for middle and  high school aged children. Donations may be made at our Worcester offices through
December 21. All gifts will be delivered to local teens in need of a little joy  this holiday season. Please drop by anytime Monday through Friday 9AM-5PM to  drop off your gifts.

Your generosity will be greatly appreciated. Adolescents and children in the  juvenile justice system or in foster care need your support.

This age group is often neglected during the holidays,  partly because teens are hard to buy for! Some great ideas for teens are gift  cards, sweat shirts, phone accessories, hair products, nail polish, alarm  clocks, cameras, sunglasses, hats, scarves, gloves, bean bags, snow goggles,  earrings, T-shirts, picture frames, jewelry holders, flash drives, flip camera, hoodies, art supplies, or maybe some ear buds. Check out these earmuff  headphones! Happy Holidays and happy shopping!

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Juvenile Court

Parker Mediation | Experienced and Trusted Family Law and Divorce Attorney Mediators

December 1, 2011 By

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation Tagged With: , , , , ,

Lori Caravalho Joins Parker Mediation

November 15, 2011 By

Lori Caravalho is the newest member to join the team at Parker Mediation. She previously served as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (“CASA”) in Worcester County, Massachusetts. At CASA, she became a supervisor and trainer before moving on to other mediation work with families and children. Lori provided Permanency Mediation services for Children’s Services of Roxbury, Inc., Massachusetts Families for Kids (“MFFK”). She is a talented and experienced mediator.
Lori Caravalho earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Worcester State University. She is a Court Investigator for the Worcester County Juvenile Court and has years of experience working within the court systems. Her experience working with families in transition enables her to guide folks through the divorce mediation process with ease. If you would like to schedule a free consultation with Lori or learn more about divorce mediation, call us today at 508 795 0200.

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Family Mediation, Massachusetts Mediators, Worcester divorce mediation, Worcester MA Mediator Tagged With: , , ,

Alimony Reform Act of 2011

September 28, 2011 By

This week Gov. Deval Patrick signed the Alimony Reform Act of 2011. The provisions of the new law take effect on March 1, 2012. The mathematical algorithm for determining alimony is fairly complex, but the new alimony law generally reduces the duration of time alimony payments will occur following divorce. Anyone considering divorce should be aware of the changes and plan accordingly.

Folks that are currently receiving or paying alimony will want to review options created by the new law reforming alimony in Massachusetts. In many cases parties will want to seek a complaint for modification because the existing alimony judgment exceeds the durational limits set forth in the new law. A set schedule establishes the transition period for the filing of these types of complaints.

Payors who were married to the alimony recipient 5 years or less, may file a modification action on or after March 1, 2013. Payors who were married to the alimony recipient 10 years or less, but more than 5 years, may file a modification action on or after March 1, 2014. Payors who were married to the alimony recipient 15 years or less, but more than 10 years, may file a modification action on or after March 1, 2015. Payors who were married to the alimony recipient 20 years or less, but more than 15 years, may file a modification action on or after September 1, 2015.  Also, any payor who is eligible for the full old-age benefit under the United States Old Age, Disability, and Survivor Insurance Act, 42 U.S.C. 416, or who will become eligible for said benefit on or before March 1, 2015 may file a complaint for modification on or after March 1, 2013.

The transition period provides the opportunity for people to plan accordingly. If you and your ex-spouse plan ahead and communicate openly, the topic of alimony will be easier to handle. If you are facing changes as a result of the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 and would like to mediate rather than go to court, feel free to contact us at Parker Mediation 508 795 0200 to schedule a free consultation.

Filed Under: Alimony in Massachusetts, Divorce Mediation, Divorcing in Massachusetts, Massachusetts Divorce, Massachusetts Mediators

2010 Census Sheds Light on Marriage Trends

May 24, 2011 By

The US Census numbers are out and there is good news!

People getting married are statistically more apt to stay together than in years past. One reason for the increase in “happily ever after” is that people are waiting longer to get married. Another reason might be that folks are not marrying in the first place. Census figures report one third of adults stay single. Without societal expectations for marriage, more people cohabitate. This begs the question, is marriage an outdated institution for the modern couple?

As long as children continue to listen to stories of frogs and dragons, prince and princess, the promise of a happy future beckons star crossed lovers. We do not have to look far for a fairytale wedding, just a hop over the pond. William Arthur Philip Louis and Catherine Elizabeth Middleton became husband and wife on St. Catherine’s day, 29 April 2011. In flawless style, the two joined in Westminster Abbey and delighted crowds with kisses from the balcony of Buckingham Palace.

These modern monarchs completed their educations, cohabitated, separated, and then finally married. Marrying at a later age often means folks are more educated and financially secure. It makes sense that people with greater life experiences will make better choices when it comes to choosing a mate. Congratulations to Will & Kate; may they join the 75% of folks that married since 1990 that celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.

Filed Under: conflict management, Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Divorce, Worcester divorce lawyer

Divorce is like Climbing a Mountain

November 1, 2010 By

Getting divorced is like climbing a mountain. You have to take one step at a time. The challenge of divorce, like climbing a mountain, is you cannot see what is on the other side until you reach the top. Often times it seems the peak is too high to reach or exhaustion clouds the mind making it difficult to go on. Having a guide is often the best way to manage a challenging climb.

At Parker Mediation, we explain each step and prepare you for the next. Through a series of mediation sessions, couples work out solutions and formulate a plan for the future. This includes a parenting plan that not only creates a schedule for the children, but also develops a method for managing inevitable changes as the children age. The parties develop a financial plan that takes into account the present and future needs of the children.

The mediator helps you to anticipate the future, which allows for smoother transitions. No divorce plan is complete without making budgets and developing a financial plan to meet the current needs and future needs of the parties and any children. It is never too early to start saving for college expenses or planning for retirement. The rising cost of education, healthcare and the uncertainty over whether social security will be adequate support are prime examples why good financial planning is so important.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Divorce Mediation, Divorce with Children, Divorcing in Massachusetts, Worcester MA Mediator Tagged With: , , , ,

Alimony In Divorce

October 25, 2010 By

The decision to divorce is often a difficult choice, but once made, it is time to start planning.  If you are nervous about your financial future or the topic of alimony, do not worry; you are not alone.  Mediation allows parties to talk through their feelings and fears about alimony in a safe and confidential setting. 

Confidential discussions during mediation provide parties a productive opportunity to discuss alimony in a stress-free environment.  Guidance from the mediator helps to determine whether alimony is appropriate in the grand scheme of the divorce plan.  Planning budgets to project the income and expenses of the parties and other family members, if children are involved, is a useful exercise.  While divorce can be a financial hardship, the effects of the divorce are minimized by making and following budgets.   Alimony is a tool the parties can use to make a healthy financial plan. 

Parties using mediation decide the issue of alimony with self-determination.  This is often more satisfying than leaving it up to the lawyers or judges, who themselves are often perplexed and challenged to determine what is fair.  Alimony reform is adding even more uncertainty on the topic.    There are several suggested formulas or guidelines to explore.   The MBA/BBA guidelines, the Ginsburg formula, the Scandurra formula, and the 1/3 formula all provide frameworks for analyzing potential alimony amounts and duration. 

Some guidelines suggest durational limits on alimony in relation to the length of the marriage.   Sometimes courts leave duration open ended, perhaps rationalizing that either party may file a complaint for modification in the event of a change in material circumstance.   In mediation, the parties decide what is right for their unique situation.  The flexibility found in mediation is better suited to creating a plan that is agreeable to both parties. 

Alimony is a difficult topic, because no two cases are the same; every divorce is slightly different.   By exploring many different scenarios, mediation participants will have a better understanding of the options and the implications each formula provides.   Mediators are well suited to encourage the creativity of the parties themselves in formulating the divorce plan on an individual basis.  In mediation, the decision about alimony is yours to make.  With guidance, you will make the right choice, because it will be yours. 

Two thirds of help is to give courage. – Irish Proverb

Filed Under: Alimony in Massachusetts, Divorce Mediation, Massachusetts Divorce, Spousal Support in Massachusetts

Determining the Best Interests of Adolescent Children

October 15, 2010 By

          Teenage children sometimes become confused and present with difficult behavior. Parenting that previously worked may no longer manage difficult behaviors. During divorce, strategies that once helped seem to make things worse. Parenting through divorce presents unique challenges and concerns. Professionals can provide helpful information when co-parenting seems impossible.

          Courts are often ill equipped to make important parenting decisions about adolescents. Some teenage children get what they want, even in cases where a professional Guardian Ad Litem makes specific recommendations. This may results in dramatic changes for a child who is undergoing multiple changes due to parental divorce and adolescence. Parents may better explore and understand the best interests of their child when mediators provide education and resources.

          Research in the area of development psychology is relevant to understanding what is in the best interests of our teenagers. Participants in mediation each share their belief systems about what is best for the adolescent in regards to parenting and living arrangements. Learning how to manage parental conflict, to minimize the harmful effects on the adolescent child, is a big factor in the child’s future success. Families struggling with adolescent issues will find better resolutions using mediation.         

          There will always be conflict; learning skills to manage opposition is a worthy task for all parents. Differences of opinion arise whether couples remain married or parent post-divorce. Finding solutions together provides a less stressful atmosphere for the child and the parents.

Filed Under: Conflict Resolution, Divorce Mediation, Divorce with Children, Parent Education Programs, Worcester MA Mediator
« Older Posts